Recently I have been fighting through a lot of life’s problems. They encompass all aspects of life; business, financial, family, personal and my faith. There have been times where I thought to myself what’s the point? No matter how much I fight I can’t seem to get a break. Things seem to get worse to the point where I feel I am being crushed and there is no hope. A grand depression sweeps over my heart and I withdraw into myself and all I want is to be left alone. But that can’t happen because all of us have others that rely on us.
I look inside my heart trying to find joy so that I can remember a time where I wasn’t in so much agony and pain. But I am lost. The word “suffering” doesn’t even come close to a word of explanation. This moment in time grows and grows and the days pass. I go beyond feeling sorry for myself and soon it feels as if the darkness that is all around me will start to splinter into pieces of rock that crumble down upon me and bury me like an avalanche. Friends and family try to give encouraging words but I can’t hear them because I have been buried alive.
I think to myself no one will ever understand what I fight through on a daily basis. What I really see and really feel. I can’t put into words the evil that surrounds me that I stand and fight against. I get to a point where I say I GIVE UP! I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE! I break down and find that I CAN finally cry! And with every agonizing wailing my heart breaks and shatters until I find I’m surrounded by so many broken pieces I don’t even know where to start trying to put this all back together.
An angel comes and tells me he is taking me to see the Lord God. I walk into this chamber and off in the distance I see Him sitting on His throne. There is a cloud in front of His face. He says, “Come to me”. I fall in front of Him sobbing. He picks me up and has me stand in front of Him and I wrap my arms around Him. He pulls me into His chest and says; “Just let it out”. And I break down even more. As He holds me the pain is drained from my heart. He picks me up and puts me on his lap and now I am the size of a five year old child. Though I can’t see His face I know what facial remarks He is making.
I look up at Him as He pats me on my chest and says; “My boy, you think your heart is shattered in piece on the floor, that it is broken but I am holding it together for you. I am so proud of you for how you have been handling all of these situations”. He leans in closer to me, smiles and says, “It is okay to be human.” I break down even more as he pulls my head closer into His chest. He says; “My boy you will never understand how much I love you! In time you will understand why I am putting you through all of this. Come, your Brother would like a hug from you as well.
I slide off God’s lap and walk in front of Jesus and kneel in front of Him. He says; “Please rise”. I stand as He wraps His arms around me and pulls me close and says; “Receive the peace from my heart”. I break down again. He says; “You will never understand the love my Father has for you. He tests that love. Even when your faith is shattered and you are holding onto it by a thread it is very strong. My Father tests you not that you may prove to Him how strong your faith is, but He tests you to PROVE to YOU how strong your faith is! All I can tell you is to be patient and hold on just a little longer. Receive the strength from my Father.”
Many people know me. Some may think that this is all a fantasy. It is not! I will be honest when I tell you that even though I felt like giving up I WILL NOT! Why? Because I won’t give Satan the pleasure of breaking me! I tell him all the time when I feel he is near. Satan I have three words for you. LAKE OF FIRE!
Never let Satan tell you that there is no hope, that God doesn’t love you and that you are alone. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! And sooner than you think your faith will be confirmed and seen with your own two eyes! Stay strong.