I’m standing now at the end of a grand disappointment. A promise given but not fulfilled. So many times an expectation is given and only then I find that it doesn’t come to fruition. It’s then I begin to question everything I know that lies within my heart and soul. I do not understand or appreciate the process that He puts me through and I ask at times why…WHY?!
I grow angry and I lash out at Him in a fit of rage reminding Him of all I have done in His name and all the lives that have changed because of my faithful service to Him. I remind Him of all the times I gave to Him and the sacrifices I have made and yet there is no solace, no peace and hope is almost gone.
Doubt comes crashing in on me and sadness fills my being as I start to question EVERYTHING and then I hear the voice of an evil angel say; “All you know is a lie! If He really loved you would He really do this to you?” But I’m tired, distraught and weak as the evil angel continues, “He is never there for you when you are like this. He cannot hear you, He has left you. You should give up.”
I try to pull myself together struggling to be strong. And the evil voice still speaks; “You are lost and alone, He will never help you. You are a failure no one loves you”. I fall into the abyss that is my life crying out, PLEASE ANSWER ME! But again no reply. The evil angel continues to speak and torment me until I grow angry at him and shout. YOU’RE A COWARD! YOU PREY ON THE WEAK AND THE SICK! He speaks; “Your faith is empty, you trust Him and yet He never does what you ask of Him, what kind of God is like that? HE is a Faithful God? Please!”
My heart feels as if it will burst out of my chest with the agony and pain of my disappointment. Hopelessness sets in and I think I have been walled off from Him and He cannot even see me. I’m left sitting in darkness as my pain and anger feed on the disappointment as the evil angel feeds it to me. I’m worn out and close to giving in to what he’s telling me. I break down and cry out as loud as I can. FATHER I LOVE YOU AND I WILL KEEP MY FAITH! I AM NOT ALONE! I AM STRONGER THAN YOU ARE SATAN! MY FATHER IS WITH ME RIGHT NOW! I SHINE THE BRIGHTEST IN MY DARKEST HOURS BECAUSE HE IS HOLDING ME! HE ALWAYS KEEPS HIS WORD AND WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT HE WILL DELIVER TO ME ALL OF HIS PROMISES!
I seek out this evil angel and I find him hiding in my heart. I grab him by the throat and hold him in front of me as this little being cowers because the spirit in me is stronger than he. I tell him; “You are but a pawn in my Father’s game. He is the one who moves the pieces within the game of my life”. I stare him square in the eye and ask him; “Why are you so silent? Is it because you can see MY FAMILY standing behind me now?” I cast him out of my heart, turn and I am now in the arms of my Father and Big Brother Jesus.
There are times in our lives where WE have to turn and fight! We are never alone! Don’t listen to Satan; do not give into his words. CONFRONT HIM AND HE MUST FLEE! Our Father always teaches us that we are not weak or helpless. We’re strong because we Love Him and He loves us!
There two things that are yours and you truly posses; One is your free-will and the other is your faith.
BE STRONG! DO NOT GIVE UP! STAND AND FIGHT FOR YOUR FAITH BECAUSE THE TIME IS SHORT AND IF YOU WANT TO GET INTO HEAVEN “THE VIOLENT SHALL TAKE IT BY FORCE!”
I dedicate this article to my two special friends who both fight terminal illnesses and have been told by their doctor’s that they have months to live. These two are not done fighting!
Jennifer Sprengell and Susan Blackport - KEEP FIGHTING!